this is as real as i get






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be all there!

how awesome is my life?

i am giving my life to serve God in another country as a freakin job!

i live in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world!

i have the BEST friends in the world!

people love me! ;)

i have people that donate money to me every month!

i have friends that don’t mind hearing about all the stuff i am going through!

i have friends that get me even tho i know i don’t make it easy!

my family totally supports what i do!

i need almost $1000 before the end of this month and i’m not worried at all about it coming in!

i have been forgiven!

i have been restored!

i have been revived!

i don’t have to be perfect!

and way more!!!

…

i have all of that and i still have moments and even whole days where i just don’t get it. i don’t see it. i don’t understand it. why do i get to be here? and really the question i asked myself a few times in the past couple of weeks why to i HAVE to be here? I know i’m doing exactly what i need to be doing with my life right now. and i’m even doing exactly what i want to be doing with my life right now, but there are times when i just want to have what other people have. i want to have a degree, a house, a car, a wife (heck even a girlfriend), tv, xbox, clothes, more, and more and more and more.

WHY?!?

i am glad tho, that even in those moment of comparison and jealousy, God reminds me of what i have and who i am. i’m not supposed to have any of those things right now. either i’m not ready for it or it’s not ready for me. no matter what i want to be grateful! i’m sick of spending so much time wondering if people are thinking about me, donating to me, wanting to play words with friends with me, etc. i just want to be able to look around at what i have right here in Mexico City and just praise God! i know there are so many people right now sitting with all of that stuff that i want and ironically they want what i have…except for maybe being single. (maybe :P)

i love that i can have those moments and days and other people can have their moments and days, but as long as you’re walking in obedience to whatever it is that God has called you to do or wherever it is that God has called you to be you can just be grateful for what you have and for what you’re doing! when you are walking in obedience, decisions might be tough but God has called, appointed, and anointed you to be exactly who and where you are. so just do it!

“Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.” 
― Jim Elliot

face your fears

Sometimes I wonder if my silence is awkward. I can literally sit for long periods of time without a word just looking at someone or sitting next to them, on the phone with them, on a skype/facetime call with them. I’m not sure if people are always receptive to that. Am I some kind of weirdo creeper for staring and not saying anything? Should small talk become something I practice? Am I wasting peoples’ time? Maybe next time I can fill the “awkward silence”, as they probably see it, with a conversation about this very topic. I don’t want to be awkward. I want to always invite people to just be who they are. Maybe the problem is that I allow people that right and privilege but I never give them the same in return. What am I avoiding? What am I not saying? What am I not sharing? I need to learn to trust more. It’s scary though giving people all of me but it’s a risk I need to learn to take. Let my thoughts be expressed. Let my heart and real self just come out. It’s time to unleash the beast. I’m just not sure my thoughts will come across correctly or make sense out loud the way they make sense in my head. I think too much. That’s why I’m afraid to do art. That’s why I’m afraid to speak Spanish…one of the reasons. I think too much and I don’t just act. Outside of making impulse purchases there are not too many things that I do without thinking and sometimes overthinking. Maybe I need to just act more with some kind of caution but still just step out and see what happens. I totally want to erase this whole thing but I know I need to express this. I don’t like for people to know that I think like this and I don’t want to find out what they’ll say. What if they don’t understand or what if they disagree? I’m not sure I could handle that. Something I’m afraid of is people responding negatively to my thoughts. Words of encouragement are probably the main way that I receive love from people. To think about someone disagreeing or saying something negative about me or about an expression just sucks for me to think even think about. Maybe that’s what I need. Face your fears. Here I go.

life and peace

For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. - Romans 8:6

My mind was running in circles yesterday about a dream that I had. I didn’t understand it and I didn’t know completely what to think about it. All I knew was that in that dream when I needed to make the right decision I finally did it. FINALLY! But I was still bothered by the dream most of the day. I was asking God, “What does it mean?” and “Why did it happen like this?”

I woke up this morning and felt like i needed to read Romans 8. I thought that was weird because I have been reading in Ephesians for the past couple of weeks. So I read it and felt like it was exactly what God wanted to say to me today. THEN we do a devotional every morning as a team and the text this morning was from…Romans 8.

He knows what I need and he knows what I need to hear.

I have life and peace today.

Love God. Love people. Love yourself.

I John 4:7-21

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

Matthew 22:36-40 

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Ephesians 4 is Kicking My Butt

29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

And now I’m trying to live it.

grateful

warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful.

what do you have?

The men in the top portion of this picture are all victims of a great injustice. Fourteen years ago a tiny village in Chiapas, Mexico, was the scene to a horrible massacre. The guilty got away free and by the time the government came in to handle the situation there was no one left to blame but the men left in the camp. In 2008 a group of women came with their kids to protest these wrongful imprisonments. I don’t know how many men were originally jailed but the top picture is some of the men who have been released in the last 3+ years. Once or twice a year this group returns to fight for the freedom of their husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends. They campout in the center of the city near the plaza called Zocalo. Bottom-left is a picture of two young men who came in support of those in prison. They are crocheting small bags that they are selling to help pay for their trip I think. The bottom-right is a picture of one of the women. I’m not sure if she has any relation to the men in prison.Today we found out that there were going to be 6 men possibly released. After about an hour of just sitting and spending time with them we got the news. Two men are for sure going to be released this weekend. The other four have one final appeal that can be made for their release. We will find out the results of their appeal on Monday. If they are not released on Monday, they will have to finish out the remainder of their sentence of 36 years.My heart broke as we sat in the middle of this group and heard this announcement because I can see that the heart of these men is what this country really needs. These are innocent men who are trying to get out of jail to return to their families and take their role once more as husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons. They are not the kind of men that this generation of Mexicans has become used to. They are men of integrity who belong to a small village of people dedicated to each other. Pray for favor and justice for the four men making their final appeal. Pray for peace over the families of those men. And pray for a heart of thanksgiving for the two women who are receiving their men back this weekend!God is doing amazing things in this city! I will give an update on what happens as soon as we find out. 

The men in the top portion of this picture are all victims of a great injustice. Fourteen years ago a tiny village in Chiapas, Mexico, was the scene to a horrible massacre. The guilty got away free and by the time the government came in to handle the situation there was no one left to blame but the men left in the camp. In 2008 a group of women came with their kids to protest these wrongful imprisonments. I don’t know how many men were originally jailed but the top picture is some of the men who have been released in the last 3+ years. Once or twice a year this group returns to fight for the freedom of their husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends. They campout in the center of the city near the plaza called Zocalo. Bottom-left is a picture of two young men who came in support of those in prison. They are crocheting small bags that they are selling to help pay for their trip I think. The bottom-right is a picture of one of the women. I’m not sure if she has any relation to the men in prison.
Today we found out that there were going to be 6 men possibly released. After about an hour of just sitting and spending time with them we got the news. Two men are for sure going to be released this weekend. The other four have one final appeal that can be made for their release. We will find out the results of their appeal on Monday. If they are not released on Monday, they will have to finish out the remainder of their sentence of 36 years.
My heart broke as we sat in the middle of this group and heard this announcement because I can see that the heart of these men is what this country really needs. These are innocent men who are trying to get out of jail to return to their families and take their role once more as husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons. They are not the kind of men that this generation of Mexicans has become used to. They are men of integrity who belong to a small village of people dedicated to each other. Pray for favor and justice for the four men making their final appeal. Pray for peace over the families of those men. And pray for a heart of thanksgiving for the two women who are receiving their men back this weekend!
God is doing amazing things in this city! I will give an update on what happens as soon as we find out. 

There are a lot of things I want to say and a lot of feelings I want to express to a lot of people. For now those expressions are for me to have and keep until the time comes for those things to be released. As for now don’t you worry about me bottling anything up or keeping something from you. That’s not the reason I’m doing what I’m doing. I realize that there is a time and season for everything even for me to fully express myself out loud. So until that time does come I will wait, pen in hand, paper ready to be filled, pencils by my side, blank pages waiting to be brought to life, brushes not too far away and canvases who have no idea what they are about to become. It’s coming don’t you worry. You just make sure you’re ready to see, read and experience it all when it does come out.

What’s happening in D.F. (D.F.=Mexico City)

So I’ve been in Mexico City for just over three weeks and it feels like 3 months! Ha! I feel like God is doing so much and I just don’t know where to start. Christmas 2011 was way better than Christmas 2010. New Year’s was pretty much the same but that was my fault for being in a bad mood most of the day.

YWAM CMC has been on the hunt for a building to get us started and we’re narrowing our search. We have prayed and believe that we are for sure supposed to be in the center of the city. The area we have been looking is called Colonia Centro and that is located inside of Delegaci

April 12-14, YWAM CMC will host it’s first youth conference in Mexico City. We are expecting 300 youth to come for three days and be challenged and changed forever. It’s time for Mexico to become a missions SENDING nation and it’s our goal as YWAM CMC to see Mexicans taking the gospel to every creature. This is just the beginning. Three days of challenging messages, equipping workshops, and a focus on changing the worldview of young Mexicans. It’s time for Mexico to realize it’s potential and make it reality. We would like to raise a $1000 USD to help cover the costs of everything we want to do. The best way to give is on PayPal to bobmartinez50@gmail.com. Be a part of changing these young people to help them change the world!!!

April 12-14, YWAM CMC will host it’s first youth conference in Mexico City. We are expecting 300 youth to come for three days and be challenged and changed forever. It’s time for Mexico to become a missions SENDING nation and it’s our goal as YWAM CMC to see Mexicans taking the gospel to every creature. This is just the beginning. Three days of challenging messages, equipping workshops, and a focus on changing the worldview of young Mexicans. It’s time for Mexico to realize it’s potential and make it reality. We would like to raise a $1000 USD to help cover the costs of everything we want to do. The best way to give is on PayPal to bobmartinez50@gmail.com. Be a part of changing these young people to help them change the world!!!